Change.
Life has been pretty much empty for me. There’s a lot of things that I have been thinking about. Some changes about myself which I feel I should make. To be a better person. But I’m beginning to realise, would me changing really matter to anyone out there? Why would me changing be of significance to anyone? This is the constant debate that I have had with myself for the longest time and always I find excuses to not come to a conclusion. I feel kind of fucked up and I don’t know what to do about it exactly.
I feel like I should try to be a better person. Trying hard not to lead a wasted life. To try and escape this place called reality and live in my own fantasy world, alone and happy. I wait for signs, for a reason to make these changes. To tell myself that what I’m going to be doing is warranted and that there is a basis for every move I do and what I did is right. The more I wait, the more I bleed inside.
I’m so sick of living this lie. So tired of pretending to everyone that I’m the person they think I am. It’s so exhausting to keep up this pretense. I would much rather be left alone for the time being, to have this time to put myself back together again. To rethink my life choices. To ensure I won’t be the same person as I was before. I’m just tired. Tired of all the scheming, the pressure and everything else. It wears me down completely. Give me this time to go back into my cocoon, to turn myself into a person that I want to become, not a person that society dictates me to be. I want to make a change. For the future.
keeping up an image would be tiring, don’t you think? I’m sure to finally change yourself for YOURself would give you much satisfaction that YOU own YOURSELF and not the society. Make THAT change Yayan! (: